A child custody agreement sets out which parent will take care of a child and who gets to make the important decisions in the child’s life. When you have physical custody, your child lives with you in your home. If you have legal custody, you get to make important decisions about things like medical care, schooling, and religious activities for your child. It’s still a big responsibility. You’re not alone.
You and the other parent can choose together who has which rights for your child – this important choice creates your child custody agreement in writing.
While you don’t need to go to court to work out these things together, you do need a judge to sign off before the agreement is legally binding for the parties. Until a judge approves it officially, neither parent can make the other follow what the agreement says in practice.
The judge might turn down some parts of your agreement if they feel that those sections wouldn’t be good for the child’s wellbeing. The judge has the final say on what gets included in the custody arrangement.
What Are Some of the Other Ways To Arrange a Child Custody Arrangement Outside of Court?
You and the other parent can put together a parenting plan on your own, without needing to go through the court – this plan is something that you write out and sign and it lays out how you’ll manage things like who the kids stay with and when. You can use the plan to choose things like visitation schedules.
The plan can also specify how holidays will work with each parent and even who handles the school pickups or drop-offs. Some of the plans also cover the times when other family members like grandparents can visit. It’s your call how you want to approach it.
Sometimes though, it’s still tough to agree on the facts by yourselves. When that happens, you might want some help from your attorney. The attorneys can meet with both sides or help to guide the conversations so you’ll find something that works for everyone. They know how to keep things moving forward.
During these meetings, you and the other parent can talk through the basics, while your attorneys can help nail down the facts or manage the tougher discussions.
In many cases, you and the other parent come up with most of the plan yourselves, with the attorneys to help where they’re needed. Other times, your attorneys can help to guide what goes into the plan, based on what you and the other parent want. Either way, it’s flexible and you have some room to shape the plan to fit your situation.
You and your attorney get to choose what you would like to cover in the plan. It doesn’t have to address everything about the custody arrangement – just the main points that you care about.
Say you agree to visits for the non-custodial parent for one weekday, twice each month. You don’t need to specify a particular date or day. If there’s a disagreement later, you can always change the plan to be clearer as you go along.
Is Mediation an Option for Arranging Child Custody Outside of Court?
A mediator comes in as a neutral third party. This helps you and the other parent (and your attorneys, if you have them) to sort out the terms of a child custody agreement. The mediator doesn’t ever take any sides. They’re there to keep things moving forward. Instead you’ll see that they help guide you toward an answer that you can agree on together. The parents usually join the meetings and your attorneys may also join if that feels like a good fit for your particular situation. At the very start, the mediator will still say a few words about the main problems that need some attention. After that, the mediator usually talks with one side, then shares that perspective with the other side and moves between you until the parties can reach some common ground.
You’ll see a few very clear benefits from the mediation compared to going to court. The whole process tends to cost much less and can also finish up faster than a lawsuit would. Time can add up faster when you’re waiting on court dates.
A mediator doesn’t ever force any choice on you at all. You have the freedom to choose if you want to settle together. If you do work things out, then everyone writes down the full agreement and signs it.
Just like with any other agreement you and the other parent create outside of the mediation, you’ll need a judge to sign off before it can become legally binding. Once the judge finally approves it, you’re expected to follow the terms. It’s a weight off your shoulders once everything’s official. If you ever need to change the agreement later on, you can always retry the mediator and work through some new terms together. Any updates or changes that you make have to go back to the judge for another approval before they can take effect.
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Is Arbitration an Option for Arranging Child Custody Outside of Court?
Arbitration can give you another way to manage your custody and parenting problems instead of going to court or trying mediation. In most states, it works as a legal option that lets parents choose an arbitrator they agree on. It’s a big choice. But you’re still not locked in forever. Once you have found your arbitrator, you’ll go through a hearing where each parent shares their facts and viewpoint. The arbitrator then listens to everyone, looks at the facts and makes a choice about the disputed problems.
After the arbitrator finishes the hearing, they’ll give their choice to you – usually “binding,” which means you might not be able to go to a judge later and ask for a different answer. If you think you might want to appeal, you and the other parent need to work that out in advance, before you start the arbitration process. Not everyone realizes that until it’s too late.
You’ll find that arbitration feels more structured than mediation. The arbitrator might call witnesses and allow questions or cross-examinations. The arbitrator may also ask their own questions to you. They’ll look at the evidence – this includes your previous statements. Your actions are also considered. Any related documents will be reviewed as well.
Sometimes the parents or the lawyers may object to pieces of evidence in the process. The arbitration doesn’t follow court laws quite as strictly as a trial would – it makes things a bit more relaxed for everyone. Evidence that wouldn’t make it into court might be allowed here.
You could run into problems if someone claims that they felt pushed into arbitration or if a parent didn’t know that agreeing to arbitration meant they’d be giving up the right for a judge to choose. That’s why you need a written agreement before you start the process. Make sure each of you signs it. It should state that each parent is freely giving up the right to have a judge review the arbitrator’s choice.
Occasionally a judge may still review the arbitrator’s choice. But this only happens in rare cases. For example, if someone proves there was fraud or if the arbitrator showed clear misconduct or bias, you can apply to the court and ask them to set aside the choice.
Arbitration usually costs less than going to court. But it tends to be more expensive than mediation. If your arbitrator is a lawyer who handles these kinds of cases, you should expect to pay more than you would with a mediator. The more formal structure of arbitration also means it takes longer than mediation, keep this in mind as you think through all your options.
Do I Need an Attorney for Help With Child Custody Matters?
When you’re thinking about creating a child custody agreement, you should reach out to a child custody lawyer. It’s a lot to manage on your own. A local lawyer with experience in these types of cases helps you make the agreement and helps you through each step of the process.
