It’s normal for long-term relationships to go through rough patches—even legally-binding ones, like marriages. However, sometimes a married couple’s issues are more than just hiccups, but rather, are major struggles that make the entire relationship feel at risk. This is when you might find yourself searching for signs that your marriage is over.
Thinking about divorce? People often ask themselves, “How will I know if I should divorce? How will I know that divorce is the right option for me?” This confusion is normal. It is normal to feel deeply ambivalent about divorcing. This is one of the biggest and most difficult decisions you will ever have to make.
What Are Common Reasons for Divorce?
Divorce cases often revolve around certain issues or disputes. Depending on the basis of the divorce, the case may turn out differently in terms of property distribution, child custody, etc.
Common reasons why people divorce include:
- Infidelity or extramarital affairs
- False pretenses at the beginning of marriage (i.e., lied about age, children from previous marriages, etc.)
- Too much conflict and arguing
- Alcoholism, or drug abuse/addiction
- Health problems
- Family disapproval of the marriage
- Lack of trust
- Religious differences
- Married too young
- Financial disputes
- Custody disputes
- You don’t respect your spouse any longer
- No longer have sex, or there is no longer an attraction
- Do not agree on child raising, spending money, or other big issues
- Chronic mental health issues
- Domestic violence or abuse
- Growing apart
- One party is chronically unhappy
- Having the same fight over and over again
- Feeling like you’re only in it for the children
What Is No-Fault Divorce?
In older days, to get a divorce one party had to have enough evidence to prove that the other did something wrong. That is not necessary any longer. However, in several states spouses can still file for a fault-based divorce, which means the ground for divorce is that one spouse engaged in misconduct that led to the breakdown of the marriage.
These vary from state to state, but the most common fault grounds include adultery, abandonment, abuse, and addiction to alcohol or drugs. Fault cases typically take longer to resolve in court because you have to provide admissible evidence and prove to a judge the misconduct occurred and that it caused the divorce.
Modernly, every state has specific laws allowing no-fault divorce. This is a type of divorce proceeding in which the couple does not need to actually state any specific dispute or issue as the basis of their divorce. This often allows for a more efficient and streamlined divorce proceeding. It is not necessary to prove fault, but divorcing spouses must still identify a ground (reason) for their divorce when they file.
People can simply cite “irreconcilable differences,” which is also referred to as the “irretrievable” or “irremediable breakdown of the marriage,” depending on where you live. These terms refer to the same basic concept—that the couple simply can’t get along anymore, there is no chance of a reconciliation, and the marriage is broken beyond repair. There’s no need to identify and prove misconduct or a bad act that caused the divorce.
There are some differences between fault divorces and no-fault divorces. For instance, in an at-fault divorce, a greater share of property may sometimes go to the party that wasn’t at fault. There may be different filing/waiting times and procedures involved for at-fault divorces. If you have any questions about what type of divorce you need to file, you may need to hire a lawyer for advice.
Are There Any Alternatives to Divorce?
Depending on the reason for divorce, different legal proceedings may be more appropriate.
Annulment
Annulment may be more appropriate than a divorce. The main difference between divorce and annulled marriages is that a divorce terminates a marriage, but recognizes that the marriage existed. With an annulment, on the other hand, while a record of the marriage and its annulment will remain in the public archives, the law views the couple’s marriage as if it never legally occurred. Some people choose to have their marriage annulled for religious reasons..
Grounds for annulment are limited. Most state require that one of the following events happened:
- Incest (marriage to a close relative)
- Coercion (when one party was forced or threatened to get married)
- Bigamy (marriage to more than one person at a time)
- Mental impairment (one party was not competent to enter into a marriage)
- One or both parties were underage
- Immigration fraud (one party never intended to marry in the usual sense of that word, but was only getting married for some immigration benefit)
Legal Separation
In some cases, legal separation may be a better option than divorce. “Legal separation” involves the creation of a court-approved binding agreement between the parties. The agreement sets out the particular guidelines that the couple must follow while living apart (notably, it is not necessary to actually live apart – the couple can have a legal separation even if they still live together). This includes items such as how they will manage their affairs and assets, and what each party’s obligations and rights with regards to children are. The considerations taken into account in a legal separation are precisely those which are considered in a divorce.
The benefit of a legal separation over an informal separation is that if one party stops honoring decisions the couple made about how they would manage their separation, the spouse who is being let down can go to court and force the other spouse to honor their earlier agreement.
It also has the benefit that in order to create it, the couple must define and negotiate exactly how their split will be handled, detail by detail. This helps ensure that the parties are on the same page about all of the questions that will arise as they break up.
Attempts to Preserve the Marriage
Lastly, an alternative to divorce may be for the couple to remain together and try and work things out. In this regard, the court can often suggest alternative measures such as marriage counseling, family mediation, and other alternative methods of dispute resolution.
Should I Hire a Lawyer for Help with Divorce Filings?
It can sometimes be difficult to tell what all your options are in terms of divorce or legal separation. You may need to hire a qualified divorce lawyer if you need advice or representation regarding any types of legal issues. An attorney can provide you with advice on how to proceed, and can also inform you of the possible outcomes and consequences of each option. If you need to appear in court or attend any meetings, your lawyer can be there to represent you.
If you’ve already been served with divorce paperwork by your spouse’s attorney, you should consult with an attorney as soon as possible. Once your spouse has lawyered up, you need to hire an experienced attorney. They can explain your rights and responsibilities, use specialized knowledge to advocate on your behalf, and obtain the best possible result for you and your family.
Family law is a specialized field and a simple mistake on your paperwork can have life-long effects or unintended consequences. Because the stakes are so high and personal in a divorce, it’s best not to try to handle the divorce on your own (an exception might be where there are no children and the parties agree on how to divide up all assets).
